against the brick wall…
August 26, 2009
i can hear the floors creak in the row home next door. an old woman lives there and i wonder how she spends all of her time. i see her sitting on her doorstep very often and she always looks like she is waiting for something to happen.
i wonder if i will ever feel like time is slow enough to just sit and wait. right now, the universe is moving too fast. and i just wish i could stand still for just a moment in time and take everything in. i like to be alone a lot. the air feels like a whisper. the quiet house i used to share, it whispers. and i waste my time.
tonight, i thought about the fact that every time i think about a girl i’ve felt something for, i think about the fact that someone else will feel something for her, and she will feel something for them, and forget our moments. and never miss them, like i do. and i think about how i will always feel the essence of her everytime i hear her name. and i wonder if she ever felt it that much, too. it makes me sick to think about. because it means i gave myself away. and somehow, i always end up defeated. i guess everyone does, in a way.
see, the burning i have is really because people only ever let you in so far before they get weird. i would like to consume someone. and for them to consume me, wholly. every part of you & me. i want to feel everything. beyond consciousness, i want to know you.
this is the burning. no one lets you know them. and how complicated they really are.
so i put my face against the brick wall, and listen to her waiting, just to pass the time.
